If I had to sum up my life in one sentence, it would be “my brain is only as creative and imaginative as I want it to be when it decides to ruin my life with scenarios that provoke my crippling anxiety, depression, and insomnia”
So I tried to make polite conversation with our...
Me: Hey, that's a Harry Potter shirt, right? You like Harry Potter?
Little girl: *hides behind her mom*
Mom: Go ahead, you can tell her.
Little girl: Yeeaaaaaah...
Me: That's cool! Who's your favorite character? Hermione?
Little girl: *shakes head*
Me: Ron? Harry?
Little girl: I LIKE LORD VOLDEMORT.
Little Girl: HE REPRESENTS CHAOS.
Me: That's...fun too.
jad3harley: mySIS TER JUST ASKED ME “can a human being orgasm on a bed of ice” and i responded “only if youre into coldplay” AND WE JSUT SLOWLY REALIZED WHAT I JUST SAID
martincrieffsbakedpotato: stilesthejeepwhisperer: I don’t know what Eurovision is but it sounds like Europe’s Hunger Games that’s it that is literally what it is
tuucker: isis-: noahstillsversustheworld: everyone I know or follow on tumblr is either a good artist, writer, cosplayer, gifmaker, photoshopper, attractive or just… amazing and I sit here like Is that a… A platypus …with 6 legs?? that’s lotad you uncultured shit
Words I think we need
heidi8: steptomegetburntliketoast: rhazade-waterbender: radiantbutterfly: Schrodinger’s Douchebag: One who makes douchebag statements, particularly sexist, racist or otherwise bigoted ones, then decides whether they were “just joking” or dead serious based on whether other people in the group approve or not. Permission to use it? OH MY GOD I subscribe to this newsletter.
life-is-a-love-story: timelordparadise: ppyajunebug: NEVER FORGET Cedric Diggory tried to call off the entire Quidditch game and get a re-match when he caught the snitch after Harry fell off his broom #HufflepuffsAreTheBest And it was a Hufflepuff who figured out how Sirius was getting into Hogwarts in Prisoner of Azkaban ‘Disguised himself, probably,’ said a Hufflepuff fifth year. ...
How did Tumblr miss this joke?
xxmissmagentaxx: violet-grubs: …………………….OH MY GOD
My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
BFF: Grandmother I need to talk to you
Grandma: [concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
BFF: No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
BFF: I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
Grandma: [relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.
themongooseandthesnake: “yeah im a lesbian trapped inside a man’s body” the cishet male laughs as he highfives one of his dudebros. suddenly he gives off a look of pure terror and a piercing shriek as his skin is ripped apart, much to the horror of his crew. his skin falls to the floor and a woman is left standing where he once was. “FINALLY” she roars, kicking one of the dudebros in the dick...
sweet-bitsy: dietchola: JESUS CHRIST I LOVE THIS VIDEO That little girl in the middle like “I can’t believe you just did that. What an idiot.”
I hate my friends
iwillmindfuckyou: lunaticphan: So my driving instructor texted me, and I was walking so I just typed ‘Ok’ and hit send and then I looked at it and was like WHAT But as it turns out, my friends are entirely responsible for turning ‘Ok’ into a shortcut. Cry your friends are keepers
meowbella: IF U WANNA BE MY LOVER U GOTTA at least text me sometimes damn